Rajazad (Jazmanian Devil) -

Rajazad (Jazmanian Devil) -

Rajazad (Jazmanian Devil)

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	[May. 9th, 2009\|08:57 pm]
As of right now? I am le graduated from college. Now bask in my greatness. I said bask! Hee. Spent most of the day getting through the stress of packing up the apartment I've been in the last two years. It feels so strange to leave it. I rather want to stick around and stay with things that I am familiar with. When I go back to my parent's house, I'll be confined to a room hardly as big as the one I have now, with no closet space to speak of. I say 'parents' house' just now and not 'home' for a reason. Home is somewhere where you feel safe and wanted and like you belong. Noooot so much there. My overbearing mama - what I am now calling a 'helicopter parent', thanks to an article in the college paper, due to her tendency to hover - everyminuteofeveryday - is.. a force, though that doesn't cover it. Everything has to be a certain way, or she goes ballistic. There is no such thing as a simple conversation with her. As I've gotten older and more independent, we've taken to butting heads. A lot. I used to be the sweetest child that I could try to be, though she still grated on my nerves. But today, moving out of my apartment? Was hell. Yelling, growling, shouting. Whathaveyou. I still have a massive headache, as of this writing, but hopefully it'll go away soon as I take something. They came into my apartment today, and I immediately felt like shouting GET OUT, as soon as she was in. 'Cause she takes over everything and started tearing cabinets open and going through stuff. Anyway. Yeah. There's too much headbutting when we're in close proximity. And I have to go back to their place tomorrow - most of my stuff's been taken back today, but I have to clean up and check for damages with the university or whatever tomorrow. So, yeah. It's not going to be fun. If we're this bad now, I can't tell how much of a pain it'll be around her all the time. I love her, yes, but that doesn't mean I want to live with her again. Anywhere where my nerves are on edge waiting for her to explode and having to tiptoe and hide the real me - bubbly and funloving - behind a barely-living shell is NOT somewhere where one feels safe and wanted and like they belong. That is NOT home. Want to move. (Sorta. Kinda scared about that.) Up north, maybe to Washington - (Hi, Zac!), but I have to 'take a break' according to Dad. Spend time with him, whathaveyou. Probably wanting me to look for a job here and settle. I don't want to settle. I want to live me fucking life. Not be treading water, waiting on a whim. I'm a big girl. I can make my own decisions. ..Right?
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